The WW lost in jumbled thoughts

“The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.”~ Marcus Aurelius

I thought I was going to write today about pivoting. Then I thought a non-scale victory would bubble up to the top of my list. Then a thought  popped into my weight loss consciousness after an exchange with a coworker. I think all these thoughts will make me think I am crazy and become thoughtless. So instead let’s gather them and make today’s entry a series of short thoughts

• “Pivoting is not the end of the disruption process, but the beginning of the next leg of your journey.” ― Jay Samit. I need to pivot. The last couple of nights I have successfully fought of my binge pattern. Victories for sure but I need to change behavior to not end up there in the first place. Short thought: I think I actually need more points at dinner.
• “I don’t design clothes, I design dreams.”― Ralph Lauren. I have blogged about not caring about fashion but admit that the ability to fit into clothes easier is a major force in my weight loss motivation. A non-scale victory this morning brought a single pair of pants back into my rotation. Hopefully, the first in a closet full. Short thought: Enjoy the NSVs, they matter more than the scale.
• “$%&#ing disaster”― Unnamed. This is the text I got to inspire the thought for this blog. A “details-not-important” crisis at work with a large team working round the clock to fix. A long exchange catching someone up followed by the above. I don’t know why but it made me think of weight loss and how people feel free to chime in. Short thought: Only you really know your challenges and how your solutions truly effect them.
• “Family is not an important thing. It’s everything. “-Michael J. Fox I missed a soccer game last night opting instead to go to my son’s sports awards. As I went, I felt regret of a missed opportunity for a workout. I felt disappointed that it may mean I don’t make my weekly target (especially since I forgot my fitbit yesterday). Once the event began I realized I was exactly where I should be. I can have another workout on any other day but those moments with our kids go by so fast. I was home early enough to pivot to a different workout and did not. Short thought: Be where you are supposed to be.

I think that is enough thoughts for one day.

The Weight Watcher and the Fearless Girl

I am the fearless girl. (ok…guy). I stand tall in front of the charging bull. I will not be moved.  I will not fall. The bull comes at me unwavering, undeterred. It’s strike is inevitable yet somehow never comes.  A moment frozen in time. The true symbolism in this artwork comes not from my journey. The bull was meant to show strength in the market. The girl celebrating a diversity fund has come to represent feminism.

On this day I see a different representation through the eyes of a Weight Watcher. The bull charges. He is the hunger. He is the binge. His attack can come at any time. I stand tall staring him down. I am ready. At least now. This moment is frozen in the mind of the WW. At any moment the house of cards can fall. When it strikes can we hope we can re-cement the statue to stand again.

I stood in this image last night. It had been a long trying weekend on plan. I had won. I returned home. No more eating out. This was supposed to be the easy part. Yet I heard the bull. He was coming. I didn’t care. Let him plow me over and I will dust off tomorrow.

A snack……wait a minute I had enough daily SP cover that. Fine I can ruin this another way. Small snack of cheese and crackers since dear wife was there but  full intent to open the floodgates once she went to bed. It was going to be on.  I’ll track the snack. Sure I was into weeklies but only by 7. I couldn’t wait to get started. I was going to fill myself until I burst. I was going to let the bull trample me with a smile.

And then it happened. Like the statue he stood still. I would love to say I stopped him in his tracks but I’m not sure what really happened. I realized the hunger was gone and only the desire burned. I stood tall. I stared him down. I won….for today.

I will forever stand in front of this charging bull fighting my all or nothing mentality but for one day I managed to not get trampled and today I feel better because of that than I would have in the moments enjoying the binge. At least someone took the statue of the urinating dog away.  (I’ll avoid analyzing that imagery)

Run, WW, Run 3

Welcome to the weekly update of Run, WW, Run my virtual cross country journey. This was my 2nd full week and the 1st one where I really pushed. When I last last left you I was at a bank in Brookline headed towards my alma mater Worcester Polytechnic Institute.

I end my first day on Rt 9 looking at the sunset. I promise myself I will watch a sunset sometime  during the week but the weather has been so lousy there wasn’t much to see. I’ll be on this road most of the week.

A bit further down the road I see a police car wondering if I will get pulled over only to realize I am on foot :). I have way to link to the police other than to police my own behavior and that will have to be good enough.Another interesting thing on Google maps at this spot is if I cross the street it changes from day to night. This makes me think of looking at things from a different perspective. I’ll let this blog be that tie in and carry on realizing that I need better plans as I move to keep this fun.

A quick stop at Mathworks (makers of Matlab that we have used at work). WW is full of math but this week I have been trying to come closer to target as I have been a bit low on points and feeling it.

My next stop is at the Fun & Games video arcade an old favorite from when I was a kid.  My brother and I used to go there all the time with an old baby sitter. I make sure I get some Xbox in this week to pay tribute.

Next I find myself at a comic book store and I realize that the stops and the places I have seen along the way have started to take a common theme. They all make me think of my son. He loves video games and used to play Magic the Gathering at the local comic book store. I passed Framingham State (on his short list of colleges he is looking at). One of the stops is near a tuxedo shop (He just had 2 proms). This has been an interesting week for him. He has struggled with his grades not because of his abilities but because he is not very organized. I spent a lot of time arguing with him and then ultimately helping him with some organizational strategies and follow through. He’s a great kid and one of my great joys in life and one reason I am on this journey.

My next sop is a bit in the middle of nowhere with only a Billboard in view. It’s a Cumberland farms coffee add demonstrating versus Dunkin’ Donuts and Starbucks. It makes me think of the challenge of deciding what is SmartPoint worthy and what is not. I also think if I should switch morning coffees. I am Dunkin man and have made my daily trip there every day this week.

A stop at yet another shopping center makes me realize I have still not taken a shopping trip to get the snack foods I need. My wife has done pretty well helping me out but I need to get there soon.

As I went into the final day I used the map to see how far I had to go to goal. I was still 7.1 miles away and realized my fitbit activity wasn’t going to get there. It was raining and at the end of work I had only about 2.6 miles in. This RWR challenge is working because I ended up at the gym because of that and got some elliptical in. Realizing I was not going to make the distance on the elliptical because I am not in that good shape, I switched to the exercise bike to get the rest of the way. In the end I not only made my goal but got a bit further down the road.

It was nice to see WPI again even virtually. Actually as part of the college search with my son went through the campus a couple of weeks back (funny how things work out).

This week I set a VERY aggressive goal to make it to Six Flags. The main reason is that we are heading to Cape COd this long weekend and it is my favorite place to ride my bike so I expect to get lots of miles in this way.

Hopefully I can find some interesting stops along the way and turn those into reality.

Run, WW, Run

The WW learning from the termites

From just the mention of the word your skin beings to crawl. You can feel them crawling up your back only to look and see nothing there.  You know they are there but can’t see them. They aren’t interested in you just the taste of your beautiful home but you can’t stop the heebie-jeebies. Welcome to the world of termites. Sure I could could go on and on about the giant inconvenience and cost I am dealing with but this is a weight loss blog. So how can we learn from termites on our weight loss journey. Let’s give it a shot.

They can do a lot of damage but work very slowly.  So does the WW.  We constantly have to remind ourselves that WW is our nest and we will be here for a while (for life really) We didn’t get fat in a day and can’t destroy this “house” that quickly.

They work much better in numbers. This WW knows he cannot do it alone. I already look to both my family and to the Connect family for support.

The termites diet is not as boring as you might think. Sure they eat mostly would but they do get to treat themselves on fungus from decaying trees as well. Our trackers should be full of simple foods but we can work in the things we love. Sure we have to have some things we don’t like sometimes but at least we aren’t termites equipping themselves with microorganisms so they can digest cellulose. (It’s gross…Google it)

Each termite has a job… Workers, soldiers, reproducers and even some whose role is to branch out and start new colonies. This is where I wish I could pass some of things off. You take care of the workouts and the tracking while I handle the eating part. If only it were that simple. We can’t sit back like the queen. Instead must balance all the roles and manage each day.

We want them out…now. But need to make sure they stay gone. Once again proof that a quick fix isn’t always enough and that we must monitor.

You’re going to want a professional. Hello….that’s why we are WW members.

The weight loss journey can feel like a pest, even an infestation at times. All we can do is face it head on. Deal with the problem, work with a pro, repair the damage and move on…until the next thing. Accepting that there is always a next thing is the hardest part. Another challenge, another expense another day as a WW.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The WW and the return of the Count

A couple of years back (on the old WW blog site), I nominated Count von Count for the WW spokesperson. It didn’t work out because puppets don’t have weight problems. My muppet friend returns today, however, to do some..well..counting (of course). You see I have for a long time been stuck on the number 1…. “Day 1″ to be exact. How many times have I repeated Day 1? More than I can count…ah, ah, ah. Yet today the Count bellows “2, ah ah ah” and the best part is that it isn’t Day 2. It’s “Week 2”.  And the numbers keep flowing… I counted 11,617 steps yesterday and 8 SP for breakfast today after 7 days tracking everything and on plan, and most amazing

11.6 lbs lost

As WWers we count everything especially the days until we get to where we want to be. But for today I will take a simple 2 as the number of the day and celebrate. Ah, ah, ah. Wouldn’t you agree, my bats? Ah, ah, ah.

Run, WW, Run Update

Welcome to the weekly update of Run, WW, Run my virtual cross country journey. This was my first full week. When I last last left you I was doing some grocery shopping in Revere headed to the beach to dip my toes in the Atlantic before trekking west. I set a simple goal for the week to make it to Fenway Park to catch a baseball game.

My first stop along the way was Kelly’s roast beef right on Revere Beach. Another nod to nostalgia and a pretty good sandwich. In keeping with my theme I actually did stop at a different Kelly’s during the week and planned the sandwich in. It backfired a bit making the weekend a struggle but we journey on. Quickly across the street for a dip in the Atlantic I can finally say I am going coast to coast. The day ended in a residential area next to a painting truck. I thought about starting a project but it was a nice week and I didn’t want to especially since I am doing some painting this weekend in prep to sell my Dad’s house.

I ended the next day at a place called Super Burrito. A couple days later I made sure I went to the local Mexican place (It’s not reach since it is in my regular lunch rotation). The funny thing was yesterday at lunch we were talking about places to eat and someone recommended Super Burrito to me. Strange coincidence.

Just down the street from Super Burrito is a martial arts studio. Not too far because I forgot to wear my fitbit that day and it was one of my more active days. I had hoped to make it to the gym to see if there was something I could do there with a martial arts theme but Dad duties got in the way. The son I needed to help with his homework does karate so I’ll count that. 🙂

Next I finally made it into Boston. Not much walking on purpose more tracking this week but I am trying. I ended under the Zakim bridge with Boston Garden in the distance. The Celtics are in the playoffs so that has been a regular habit this week. (Controlling the snacking during the games can be tough).

The next day the final push towards Fenway fell ridiculously short (0.1 miles). Had I realized that I would have kept moving. I did end in front of Jillians. Why not stop in for a beer and some bowling. Another amazing coincidence, the active day with no fitbit included a family trip bowling.

As I continued, I stopped Fenway Park for a game.  I got some exercise this week throwing batting practice for my son and watched a couple of his games. Since that was my target I turned towards my next goal. Worcester Polytechnic Institute my alma mater.  I ended the day in Brookline in front of the Reservoir. I had hoped to go for a bike ride around my local reservoir (another workout thwarted by life) so instead I look to my good health guidelines and realize I am not drinking water like WW recommends. I am working on improving that with this inspiration.

My final stop of the week was in Brookline at a bank (I will need some cash for the long virtual journey).  I was a very short distance from making it out of Brookline and adding another city. If only I had realized. Yesterday was supposed to be the big bike ride but as I said life got in the way. It was very hot which demotivated me to go workout and motivated me to install the air conditioners. I guess I can use that as my home project from above.

This week I set a more aggressive goal. I tried to move more but have more excuses than miles.  Sure 2 soccer games were cancelled, one gym trip killed (see my fault blog from early), homework and heat but I did show I can’t yet pivot. I do feel motivation to make it further. Especially as I leave the city and I know that large gaps in things to land on are coming.

I am happy with how many of the stops were able to inspire or at least echo my activities for the week.  I’m having fun with it.

Run, WW, Run

 

 

WW Smash

You’re making me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.  My blood begins to boil. I can feel the Gama radiation coursing through my veins. The cause of the anger doesn’t matter…only the anger matters. My shirt feels tight and begins to tear. My skin turns green. My pants begin to tatter and somehow turn purple. I am large, I am enraged, I must SMASH.  I fight to find my humanity. I fight to find Bruce Banner…I mean Mark Donahue. I fight the rage without my most effective weapon…..food. Last night I was angry. (It happens) It isn’t about the reason…it’s about the reaction, the coping mechanism.  In days past the HULK would calm himself over a tasty treat or ten. The fat and sugar in my system would offset the gama radiation and I would find my inner Dr. Banner again. Last night I wanted to eat away my anger but I fought it and managed to stay on plan. I realized I need to find a new outlet again. I can no longer drown anger, stress, fear, sadness, or boredom in cheese. On WW journeys past, I turned to soccer as a stress outlet to prevent the inner beast from emerging. When the stress comes I need look to writing, painting (a new one for me) or playing a game to slow the heart rate. Channeling stress to new outlets, maybe Stan Lee can create a new comic for me… The WW… with the power to fit into his pants. Then again if anger makes me built like Lou Ferrigno in an instant somebody yell at me ASAP.

Not the WW’s fault

Don’t find fault, find a remedy. ~Henry Ford

But DAAAAD…It’s not my fault.  As a father I can’t tell you how many times I have heard those words. As a WW I can’t tell you how many times I have thought them. It’s not my fault that someone brought donuts to work. It’s not my fault that I skipped the gym because I had to drive my son to the “insert random event here”.  The inspiration for this very blog came yesterday when it was not my fault I couldn’t go to the gym. I dressed for the gym…I told the family I was going to the gym…I even told the woman at my previous appointment that I was headed to the gym right after. Then she busted my bubble. It must be her fault….sure blame her. I had a laser procedure and was informed not to reheat the area which meant no hot showers and sadly no workouts. For once, it actually wasn’t my fault. I was dejected and that’s what really made me think. Sure I can’t do a full workout but it doesn’t mean sit in the couch eating cookies feeling sorry for myself. Don’t turn a workout into a disaster. That for sure would have been my fault.  So instead I took my son to watch a baseball game and pitched some easy batting practice after. Sure I didn’t hit my step goal or get a real workout in but it was my fault that I found some movement. It was my fault that helped keep me on plan for the rest of the day. It was my fault that I can write this blog after a positive day. It will be my fault when the negative hits too and I’m okay with that. I will accept responsibility for my actions and learn to pivot when life throws rocks at my plans.

Update: My soccer game for tonight just got cancelled. IT will be my fault if I don’t get a workout in anyway.

The WW’s clothes making the man

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”― Mark Twain

The emperor has no clothes.  The WW has very little more options.  .  I dress like the every man. I care not for fashion or style. I just wear clothes. I reach into the closet and grab the first thing I see. At least that is what I aspire to do.

You see for someone who cares little about what he wears this WW deals a lot with his clothes. You see I can’t actually reach into my closet and grab. I have to hunt for the few shirts that fit, the pants that will actually button. The weekends bring no relief when I find I only wear workout pants (elastic waist) and less than a handful of t-shirts that won’t ride up and show some underbelly. (Go ahead…get that image out of your head.)

Dressing up is a nightmare. I am sweating by the time my shirt is buttoned (if it will at all). I find myself last minute shopping before any real event. I have so many different size suits I could open a store.

You must be thinking. Just go shopping. If only it were that simple. For starters I am a WW and have dreams of fitting into the smaller sizes in the bin on the floor of my closet. I won’t shop, I’ll just get started again watching what I eat. Recently we went on vacation and I conceded that it was time to buy some things I could be comfortable in. That’s what really got me back on plan. I couldn’t buy anything. My jean size was not available. The big and tall started one size above, the regular section stopped one size below.  I’m mostly belly so shirts are a bit of a crap shoot. Most casual shirts are single wear shrinking to the point where I can’t tuck them in. When I go to big and tall I have to buy tall even though I am 5’8″. I need the length to go over belly.  I leave every store with a single item that I hate and I go the next thing in the same comfortable outfit so over worn that my wife wants to throw it all away.

I am motivated by clothes. Not because I want to look good in them but because I want it to be easy.  When I hit my goal I found just that. Reach into the closet and grab, Go to a rack in any store and grab, in a pinch go to my teenage son’s closet and grab.  and mostly…put on a suit and button the top button without breaking a sweat.  My wife will appreciate when I get back into a size that gets me through the whole work week without laundry.

So as part of this blog I will track my clothes progress. Today I am squeezed into a 40 waist (underbelly) with a pair of 42 jeans in the drawer. All shirts are 2XL Tall. Nothing feels good on. Nothing is easy.

I hate my before picture but I love that it is there because it means I am on the path to after again.

The WW and the wrong right thing

“The right thing at a wrong time is a wrong thing.”― Joshua Harris

 

Life is about choices. I choose to be a weight watcher which brings about more choices. Choices in what we eat, how we move. Choices that either lead us on our desired path or off. It’s simple. Until it isn’t. What if the right path and the wrong path are the same for a while and a seemingly good choice goes bad.

And so I chose. I chose a grilled chicken salad. (No feta, dressing on the side and a pita). I did the math and it added up. I had my fun food of the day at lunch and needed to simplify for dinner. How could an on plan choice to go so simple lead me down the wrong path? The devil was in the details. Lunch was high in points but light on food.  I got the sandwich but skipped the fries or even the chips.  I entered dinner “Stahvin'”. That’s OK a grilled chicken salad was staring at me. That can’t be wrong. I did the math. I made it with my dailies. I inhaled it savoring the fact that I made it in my points.  I recognized the point when hunger had passed but I continued. Remember, I had the points. What I  didn’t have was more for later and that good choice was not the best for sustaining me through the day. I was full but when hunger hit again later I was out of points, out of ideas and eventually out of control.

I found myself wishing I had stopped myself. I could have saved some for later or used the spare points in my real trouble time later in the evening.

I made the right choice in the moment yet it was the wrong choice for the day. I must have points for snacking. It is my trigger time.

I have often fallen into a mode of all or nothing. Why couldn’t the snack have been just a little off plan to get the urge under control? Why had I jumped so far off the bandwagon that it took 2 days to recover?

Was there a better choice of food? Not likely. Was there a better choice on quantity consumed? For sure. Was there a choice to turn right choices into an excuse for wrong actions? Of course.

It’s about choices. I choose to move on. I choose to stand up again. I choose to choose instead of letting it happen. What other choice do I have?